So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
