Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
