just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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