On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
