I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
