I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
