Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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