i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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