Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
