its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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