In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
