how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
