Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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