This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is my gift to your gina
I have tasted many bathrooms
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
