3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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