By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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