i need an iv and a liver transplant
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
