Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
