I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
