beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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