just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
