she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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