I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
