so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
