i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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