I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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