she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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