I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
