and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
