Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
MIDGETS
????
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
send nudes
from the living room?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
