totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
