im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
