I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am puke
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
