I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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