Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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