Define "chronic" masturbator.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
