How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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