My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
