my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
