I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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