she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
