you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
