all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
FUCK WHALES
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
