I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
