just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
