I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
