i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
