Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
