Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
