Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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