I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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