How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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