If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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